Losing My First Love

Every single day feels like a lifetime without him. I can still feel the pain in my heart, a constant reminder of the years we spent wrapped in each other's laughter, joy, and dreams. He was taken from me—an unbearable loss in a bus accident a year ago while he was heading to college, filled with so many hopes for our future.

The moment I received that devastating news, my world shattered into a million pieces. The echoes of his laughter, the warmth of his gaze—everything that was vibrant in my life suddenly dimmed to gray. I find myself drawn by an overwhelming wave of sorrow where I struggle to breath, desperately recalling the beautiful moments we had together.

Every hour, each minute, I am trapped in a spiral of memories, I can hardly focus on anything else. The thought of a future without him appears to me like a dark cloud. Most nights, I lie awake, thinking about the idea of finding peace in the afterlife and reuniting with him in a place far away from this pain. Yet the thought of my family prevents me from crossing that line. I cannot burden them with my pain.

I still clearly remember our first encounter—the warmth of his smile that seemed to brighten the darkest corners of my soul. Day by day, a bond blossomed between us, an intimacy so heartfelt that we made promises to share eternity together. The happiest moment of my life was the day he knelt before me, a ring twinkling in the light, his eyes sparkling with love as he asked me to be his forever. I was so overwhelmed by joy that I couldn’t speak. Tears streamed down my cheeks, but a nod of my head spoke volumes—I would be his, always.

His name still sends waves of happiness through me, mixed with the bittersweet taste of loss. We built castles of dreams together, envisioned our wedding, our children, the quiet moments of aging side by side. He was my first love, my only love, and now, I feel like a ghost of that joyful person—one who rarely speaks, whose laughter no longer dances in the air.

My parents worry about me; I can see it in their eyes, so filled with concern. They ask about my silence, about the hole that he left in my life, but I simply divert the conversation elsewhere. How could I possibly convey the sorrow that suffocates me? How could I make them understand?

Those cherished memories bring short moments of smiles. I often pray to the universe, wishing for just one miracle—to hold him again, to breathe in his scent, to feel the warmth of him close to me. I imagine embracing him so tightly that nothing could tear us apart again. I long to witness that smile—the one that melted my heart and brightened my darkest days.

I love you infinitely, Baby. My love for you is till the end of my life. Each passing second without you is a reminder of what I have lost. I miss you more than I can express. 

Forever and always, you will be my heart MY LOVE!